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Do you get turned on by thought of a man who's got his K all figured out? Or maybe a salt-and-pepper beard just gets you going? If you answered yes to either of these questions, you might want to consider dating an older man. Don't worry, you're in good company. Amal and George. Blake and Ryan. These celebrity couples all have age gaps that span at least 10 years. And they all seem to be making it work.
But there are a few things you should consider before jumping into a relationship like this, including emotional maturity, finances, children, ex-wives, and so much more. So it's really important to ask yourself why you're so attracted to any person, but especially one that's ificantly older than you. You could be projecting stereotypes on to them just because of their age, Hendrix says. Maybe you think they're more settled or assume that they travels lot because you met on vacation in Tulum, but the truth is they're not even looking for commitment and they only go on vacation once a year.
If you're attracted to someone older, Hendrix usually advises her clients to just bounce the idea off of someone you trust first. If your S. This can be refreshing for many women, says Hendrix, especially if you're used to dating guys who don't know what they want out of life or in a relationship. But the truth is, this grateful feeling can be fleeting. Fast-forward a year into the relationship, and his less-than-busy schedule could feel stifling, Hendrix warns. Maybe he wants to go on romantic weekend getaways every Friday, but you can't leave work until 8 or 9 p.
You may find that you two have different ideas about how you want to spend your time together. On the flip side, you might find that an older man has less time for you than you'd hoped. If he's in an executive-level position at a company, he might work late nights, which means dinners out with you aren't going to happen often. Or perhaps he's just a man of routine fair, at his age , and work has trumped everything else for so long, quality time just isn't on the top of his priority list. Are you cool with this? If not, and this is the case, you might want to have a chat—or date younger.
Yes, I said it! He's been in the game longer than you, which means he could be more emotionally intelligent. But this isn't necessarily a bad thing. You want someone who knows how to fight and handle conflict, Hendrix says. But you have to be sure you're on the same emotional maturity level as him.
Otherwise, "all of the things that can tend to make a relationship work—shared experience, values, communication, ability to handle conflict—could become obstacles or areas of disconnect," Hendrix says. An older man might not want to play the back-and-forth games of a younger gentleman.
Instead, he might be super direct and feel comfortable saying exactly what's on his mind, Carmichael says. But are you? Dating an older man might require you to become more vulnerable and let down a few your typical guards. Dating today is hard with a capital H. Some much-needed guidance to make it easier:. If he's got more than a couple years on you, then he's likely had a couple more relationships, too.
And one of them may have even ended in divorce. Again—not a bad thing. That said, if he has kids from that relationship, that's something else to consider. How old are his kids? Does he see them often? Will you be involved in their lives? This requires a serious conversation. Integrating into his family could prove to be more difficult than you thought, especially if he has older daughters, Carmichael says. Studies show daughters are less receptive to bringing a younger woman into the family, she notes. If the older man you're seeing is someone you're seriously considering spending the future with, you may want to actually talk about your futures.
Chances are, he may have a completely different picture of what the next 10 or 20 years look like. And you definitely don't want to do that in a relationship with a sizable age gap, since they probably have a more concrete picture of the next few years. Maybe you want to get married and have two kids, move out to California, and retire somewhere on a vineyard in Napa. But he's been there, done that.
He has the kids, a retirement house in Palm Springs, and is one alimony check away from hiding his money somewhere on the Almalfi coast. Let's hope not. It's important to understand what both of you want your lives to look like in the future. Then ask him if he'd be willing to do those things think: marriage, kids, traveling often , again. An older person has an older body, and older body can tend to have less energy and a different sex drive.
It's not a deal breaker According to Hendrix, older men tend to be good communicators because they have been in serious relationships and they want to get it right this time remember: emotional maturity. But you might reach a point of conflict when it comes to the style of communication.
Maybe you prefer that he checks on you throughout the day with a "how's it going" text. That's something that the two of you will have to work out. Learning each other's love languages might be a great place to start. If you're dating an older man, you don't have to worry about what he'll look like when he gets older. At this point in his life, he probably has his lifestyle down pat. If he looks and feels good and takes care of himself now, it could be a good of how he'll take care of his health, body, and mind later on. That's something you want in a long-term partner Do you really care?
It's something to consider when dating an older man. But Hendrix says that not having all the same interests or cultural reference points can actually be a really good opportunity to learn from one another. The problem only arises when one person is less flexible or spontaneous, while the other is constantly begging them to try something new. The best fix?
You guessed it: compromise. If you're getting serious with an older man and marriage could be in your future, you're going to want to think about what your combined finances would look like. Is half of his money tied up in alimony and child support? Or are his children all grown up and financially independent? So if the two of you feel like you're in the stage of the relationship where combining finances could be in the near future, it's important to be honest about where your money is going. Not sure how to start the convo? Carmichael usually advises her clients to just name the issue.
But as things get more serious, I'd love to talk about our financial goals, where our money might go in the future, and what it's currently being spent on now. Then ask him if there are any large financial responsibilities that he's concerned about. This will create an opportunity for open and honest dialogue. The conversation might feel a little uncomf at first, but you definitely want to have this discussion well before the vows, Carmichael says. And you never want to partner up for money At the end of the day, you want someone who brings out your best self, and there's no age limit on that.
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