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Tina B. Psychotherapist Author, Dr. What do you want in a partner? They want someone nice. Many of these traits can fall within normal ranges, yet be unacceptable to you. Couples fight over smoking, eating habits, money, sleeping habits, religious differences, pets, children, friends, holiday and family traditions, house cleaning, and time schedules. Finding the proper match in a person to date begins with knowing clearly who you are. As a unique individual, you need more than a cookie-cutter idea of who you want to date. Mentally step back and look at yourself as objectively as you can.
Mornings can be crucial in a relationship. Most of us are more natural and less rational first thing in the morning. You express your personality in your morning routine, and it is vital information for you and your potential partner to have. Couples who begin their mornings in harmony have a better chance of continuing to enjoy each other throughout the day. Your work, and how much you like it, says a lot about your preferences, your strengths, and weaknesses.
For example, if you enjoy a people-oriented job, you may be very outgoing and want to have many people in your private life. Your stress level, travel schedule, work brought home, and other factors will also impinge directly on your relationship. You have also learned a lot of skills at work that you might want to bring into your relationships, such as how to communicate as equals and how to work together to solve problems. How important is your work? Knowing this beforehand can save a lot of struggle and disappointment.
Look at your current weekend and evening lifestyle to see what activities you want to share with a partner. Our friends and family often want the best for us and could hold some helpful insight into what they think would work well for us in a partner.
Take time to take advice from those that you consider wise and that know you best. Related: Why Is Family Important? If you are fresh out of a relationship or still hurting from the last one, make sure you take some healthy time to grieve and take care of yourself. Having some time for yourself will help you feel stronger and better equipped to think about what the healthiest side of you would want in a partner. Kevon Owen, M. A lot of people have had that dream of what they want their romantic future to look like. Activities, trips, home locations, and types, are all going to help you reach those pre-conceived notions of what a relationship should be.
Start off the search for what you want in a relationship by helping yourself to meet your expectations. I believe in keeping things simple. Choose 3 top values that you must have and focus on finding partners who fulfill those 3 values. For example:. An expedient way to know what you want in a mate is a very simple exercise that points to very complex and complete knowledge of what you want. Do it without much deep thought. It can be deep internal or external qualities. No one but you is going to read it, so you can be gut honest. Then do these three steps:.
It should remind you of you! This holds a ificant key that unlocks your relationships. You now have proof that you must like and love yourself or this list could not exist. It is not conceited. It is confidence. Confidence is wholeness. Wholeness is happiness and will not accept less than the best or tolerate toxic people.
No one is exactly like anyone. What is not healthy, is if one of the things on your list is the most important to you. For example, as stated above, if someone is dishonest, everything else can be in place, but this is a non-negotiable element. Put a big asterisk or star next to the most important things to you.
Leave the things that are negotiable. That is tolerable. It is not okay if a person is dishonest. When you see and hear from your own voice and choices that you like you, then you will know what relationships are the healthiest and happiest. Being self-actualized and aware of who you are or who you want to be as your ideal self will create healthy relationships. You will attract and be attracted to those who will bring reciprocity and happiness in relationships. Pamela Evans. Quite often, individuals enter into relationships from a place of need driven by their desire for emotional security, financial security or sometimes both.
A partner who is in sync with your goals can team with you to devise a realistic action plan that will address the needs and desires of both parties. Understand your emotional and physical intimacy needs and what it takes to satisfy those. That self-awareness and knowledge will make it easier to discover a partner who will want to go with you through the process of developing healthy intimacy skills i. Rigidity and control have no place in a sound relationship, so finding a partner who is flexible in their thought processes and actions will potentially reduce occasional friction that can arise in a relationship.
Of course, this is a two-way street, so it will be incumbent upon you to behave in the same manner. Even while living your happiest life, problems will arise from time to time. Romana Stokelj. They believe that in order to be a good wife or mom you need to take care of everyone first.
They think their needs and wants are not important. But if you do it for an extended period, you will:. How do you recognize a woman who is disconnected from her wants? I want my ificant other to be happy. Lesli Doares. The key to a successful relationship is choosing the right person. For a relationship to work, the person has to be a good fit for your personality and lifestyle. There are a couple of ways to identify what that would look like:. You will probably see a pattern emerging and this will guide you as you evaluate potential partners.
When you know who you are and what you like to do, it will make it easier to define the qualities you want in a relationship. Go through the list and decide which ones are must-haves in your partner—honesty, a sense of humor, ambition, etc. Look at relationships around you, starting with your parents. Your expectations are formed by what you are exposed to. Be aware that you probably behave in similar ways to your parents.
Decide if you want to continue in that fashion. One of the best ways to get to know who you want is to date yourself. To understand what you want in a relationship you need to understand yourself better, and not just the you that you are now, but the you that you would want to be.
What better way to do this then to date yourself. Get comfortable with you and your space. Start to take better care of your body, weed out shitty friends, love up on all the parts of yourself that you have been neglecting. Why is this the best way to figure out what you want in a relationship? Because when you take care of you, when you work through all of the personal trauma piled on from years of experience, when you start to love your own company and love the company of all the people that you still allowed to take up space in your life, then you will not stand for someone to come into your life and mess that up for you.
You will be more aware and heed more warning to red flags as they come up. This is what I was missing, this is what I need, and this person is going to help me get to where I want to go paving the road with love and support. Here is the thing, when you are at your best, you are a catch for anyone. But when you are at your worst, you want someone who is going to work with you and make you better. Sarah Curnoles. Start by getting clear on your intention for dating. What is your long term goal, if you look as far into the future as you possibly can?
For some people, this is marriage and children. Only date people who have a goal that is complementary to yours. Second, name your dealbreakers. These automatically end a dating relationship. Most of the time, we can find these by looking back at what ended your other relationships in the past.
Most people see these were problems at the beginning but they ignored it and it ended the relationship anyway. This will help you clarify what you do want in a relationship. Each dating experience is a way for you to practice and to clarify what you actually want. Many people feel that dating and relationships are frustrating.
With a few simple tune-ups, the process can be more fun and you can have more success. Fiona Eckersley. When considering what kind of new relationship you are looking for, you will want to think about what are your overall goals for the next period of time in your life? If these are true, then you may not be in a good place to begin a serious relationship. There are too many variables that could cause complications. Perhaps you are looking more for a fun dating situation rather than a long term situation for now. An important question to think about is why you want a relationship at this time.
Again, this often does not lead to a sustainable or ultimately happy relationship. Once you are feeling good about why and when you want a relationship, the who is the bigger part. This is the time to consider the lessons from your past relationship. Then you can sit down and make a list of what you believe are the important qualities in the person you will be spending a lot of time with.
It may be things such as integrity, loyalty, sense of spontaneity for example. Next, write down what you would consider being a deal killer for you. Someone who dismisses your opinions on things, for example. Use these lists to find out where you may have lowered your boundaries in the past. Now that you know the answers, be sure to stick to them. After you have put so much thought into making these lists, you should be in a great place to understand what you want in a relationship- and you will be ready to find one that does not compromise your beliefs or self- esteem. After the end of our marriage, and another relationship that ended, I realized I deserved better than what I was getting but had no idea what I wanted.
I decided it was time to work on the most important relationship in my life and quit dating for some time. I began focusing on myself, my wants and my needs. Within months, I grew confident, empowered and full of life that when I started being willing to open the door to relationships, I was a lot more clear in what I wanted. Nance L. I am in a mutually loving and supportive partnership for six and a half years, after decades of choosing incompatible mates for a variety of reasons e.
With the help of several books and the Curriculum for Living at Landmark Worldwide, I eventually came to realize that the unhealthy relationship patterns in my family of origin were still heavily influencing my dating relationships, even after therapy and other self-help journeys. My mediation experience and current profession continue to deepen my understanding and led me to discover a few very helpful tools:.
Carmen Jacob.What should i want out of a relationship
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How to Figure out What You Want in a Relationship, According to Experts