Added: Ashraf Orchard - Date: 13.09.2021 22:46 - Views: 44065 - Clicks: 3764
Divorce can be difficult for kids. But, by all s, staying together for the kids can be even more problematic. Some couples have found ways to live together as a family for the sake of the kids, while not being together as a couple. They act as co-parents but otherwise go about their lives separately. Will it work for everybody? God, no. But some couples make it work. Melanie Crawford and her husband, Warren, separated six years ago but still live together and parent their three kids.
How does this scenario work for them? Honestly, they say, pretty well. Warren : Well, we separated. That took time. But we figured out, together, that we could co-parent under the same roof. So, now, what we do is that one of us will take on the parent role. One of us will off and the other basically s on and takes over control. The other is free to do whatever they like.
Melanie : It took us an entire year to restructure our relationship. We re-structured our lives to achieve the goals that we still shared in common. Over time, some of the things that make a relationship: the romantic aspects and spending time together without the kids, those just died for us. But we re-structured everything over the course of a year, because we did have to experience every holiday and we had to figure out how to deal with all those things.
W: As we grew, so did the kids. So I could tell when I was going through struggles, that they were showing it too, crying and stuff like that. But once we figured out how this was working, then they [tried to take advantage of us like regular kids]. They want to figure out who is in charge today at whatever time of the day.
M: That allows us to be supportive of one another where, during marriage, we were constantly bringing each other down and sort of sabotaging our entire family unit by being unhappy and not coping with the things that are making us unhappy. M: Two months before we announced our separation, we privately dealt with the end of our marriage. To be honest with you, I was ready to end the marriage long before Warren was. M: Like, we probably spent a couple of years in disagreement, living unhappily, together, within the house. Neither one of us can do this alone; we are not equipped to be single parents or to have adversity with each other or animosity.
And we knew that right from the beginning. W: We had gone through two months of working this through, and then it was just a big shock to everyone else when we said we were separating. What happens when you two switch over parenting duties?
Does one of you get out of the house? Do you have a different apartment? W: We have the option [to leave]. We can either just go to our room and have peace and do whatever we want to do, or we can leave. The responsibility of parenting has been taken away from us, basically. M: But Warren does live with his dad in Hamilton intermittently through the week. So when we first initiated this process, he moved out and I stayed here in the home and for that first year, when we were rebuilding our lifestyle, I was never in the house when Warren was. I would literally go anywhere. But Warren resides both here and, because he works out of the house and works closer to Toronto, he resides in Hamilton with his dad at his condo, too.
The kids get to go there too. That frees up the house. But initially, it did require that whoever was not in charge was not on the scene. What does that openness look like? That was very difficult at the beginning but then it became very easy. We may have different styles of raising our kids, but our values are the same. So just like we share this home, we considered getting a separate place that is not somewhere that we live with anybody else. There is a cognitive therapist that I see regularly.
We just put all the money that either one of us makes in the pot and we pay all the bills and split the difference and go from there. If things stayed exactly the way they are now, until the kids go off to school, that would be fine.
That would be absolutely fine. W: We do the holidays. The kids love that. M : Vacations — to be honest with you — they are a nightmare with kids. M: We take the whole divide-and-conquer approach. So, at this stage, a vacation is more of a day trip.
Warren takes the kids to a family cottage-like house on a private lake. W: Absolutely. M: The fluidity is on a week-by-week basis. It all depends on whose schedule has what. But in general, on Sundays we project next week ahead and who decides going to be where and when. Please try again. Give us a little more information and we'll give you a lot more relevant content.
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We Stayed Together for the Kids. It Works for Us.