Added: Charlsey Manes - Date: 09.11.2021 12:51 - Views: 10061 - Clicks: 5009
I have been seeing someone I really, really like for over two years now. It has been casual, and it hasn't been a super consistent situation-ship until last January. We have seen each other every month or two at least once for a year, which is pretty good considering we lived in different states and again, we are casual. I don't mind being open and non-exclusive, but things have felt more serious recently.
We went to each other's holiday parties and met each other's coworkers, we started saying "I love you" usually drunk, but sometimes sober, he tells his friends and coworkers about us, we recently met each other's family members under random circumstances , and people in my life have told me that they've never seen me as happy as I am when I'm with him. The not-so-great parts: I just moved across the country, and now we are a flight away from one another rather than a drive.
He has absolutely no plans to move out of his city. While I was on my first date here, he texted to ask if we could talk on the phone, which he's never done before. Then he told me that he thinks he contracted an STI in the past couple weeks, right before I last saw him.
I'm going to get tested of course and waiting to hear back on the from his test. How do I navigate this relationship going forward? I don't want things to end, and neither does he, but obviously it's going to be complicated with the distance.
I'm also upset that he took risks with my health and didn't mention it until he noticed symptoms himself. He's planning to visit soon, and if this continues, I need more from him than a level of casual where I'm the one orchestrating all the plans and he's not being safe with multiple partners. Is it even possible to keep seeing each other? I haven't felt so happy with someone in close to 10 years, and I want us to find a way to date that works for us, even if it's unconventional.
Casual relationships and open relationships two different things, obviously are great! However, I think this particular relationship is … in trouble. The problem you have here has nothing to do with the relationship being open and very little to do with the relationship being casual. The problem—well, actually problem s— are about the feasibility of the relationship itself. It can happen in long term relationships. It can happen in exclusive relationships. It can happen to anyone and it does happen to lo of people every year. Every day! STIs are normal. The issue is his communication around his health and, consequently your health.
Sending postcards? Shooting off flare guns? I mean how on earth are you two communicating at all outside of your quarterly fuck-sesh? Twice as good at least. I am deeply sorry for that. But you two have middling to bad communication. The type of relationship you two are trying to have takes lo of work in the best circumstances with the best communicators. This is inviolable. There is absolutely no point sorry!!!! Now, if every time you fly to Houston for work conferences you end up sleeping with a guy you met there a few years back, ok.
I mean how do you think this goes? How do you think this ends? Are you gonna be 59 years old and still flying to see him once a month, hoping that one day one of you makes the move? Ok, I know I mostly already made this point, but I think part of the reason this all feels so fraught for you is that you really are starting to fall for this guy, but the problem is that love cannot be created over a sexy visit once every couple months.
Even though spending time with him makes you really happy right now—which I do not doubt for a moment!!!! All of which are incredibly great qualities. I mean what could illustrate that better than a date with a new person in a new city being stopped so that you can get a call about an STI he has??? You can find casual, fun, open relationships in your city with people who will call you and text you and put in effort. I could be wrong. I do know that there is nothing left to get from this relationship other than a few more rounds of casual sex and a whole lot of messy heartbreak coming down the line if you drag this out.
I like you—hell, love you— but this is just not going to work with the new distance. And then go enjoy your new city!!!! How wildly fun! You will meet new people—friends, coworkers, romantic partners. You will fill your life up. People will make you just as happy as this guy.
Honestly, probably much happier! I promise it. You can reach her or yell at her at 1followernodad substack. Here's The Thing Subscribe. About Archive Help Log in. Can I stay in my casual long distance relationship? Create your profile Set photo. Only paying subscribers can comment on this post Already a paying subscriber? Log in. Check your For your security, we need to re-authenticate you. Ready for more? See privacy , terms and information collection notice.
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